1. On Tuesday, the Florida Supreme Court struck down the state’s requirement that a baseline “threshold” IQ score of 70 must be met before a prisoner can be executed. Which explains why no one has been executed in the state of Florida since 1964.
2. Former President George W. Bush is recovering at home after a knee replacement surgery on Saturday, an issue he’s been dealing with since his time in office. The White House hadn’t seen knees that beat up since the Lewinsky rug-burn incident of ’96.
3. Yesterday, President Obama called Ukrainian president-elect Petro Poroshenko to congratulate him on his election victory, but they just ended up talking shit about Putin for an hour.
4. On Monday, a group of pediatricians said that body-checking should be kept out of youth hockey until boys are at least 15 years old. “Which is why I got into football,” said Jerry Sandusky.
5. A 46-year-old Orlando woman has become the oldest mother in the U.S. to give birth to a healthy baby girl through in-vitro fertilization using her own eggs. Although the story is bittersweet since she won’t be able to see her daughter grow up to become a stripper.
6. First Lady Michelle Obama argued Tuesday that it’s “unacceptable” for House Republicans to consider making major changes to her 2010 child nutrition law. “Oh, you done did it now,” said Barack.
7. On Friday, the Wall Street Journal reported that Samsung is developing a smart watch that can make or receive calls without having to be connected to a mobile phone. “Finally,” said no one.
8. Detroit native, Jeralean Talley, the oldest person living in the U.S., turned 115 on Friday. Talley, an African-American woman, said she never thought she’d live to see the day a black man was elected President, and, after the past six years, wishes she hadn’t.
9. Late last week, Tennessee became the first state to make execution by electric chair mandatory if the drugs used for lethal injection are unavailable. And, considering it’s Tennessee and some the same drugs used for lethal injections are the same used to make meth, electric chair it is.
10. Late last week, Levi Strauss CEO Chip Bergh told customers that to get the perfect fit and look it’s best to not wash their jeans. “Way ahead of you,” said men.
